So I've decided that I need to see myself more as a grain of wheat. If I don't die to myself, my plans, my idea of happiness everyday, then I am missing out on all the opportunities Father has for me to multiply the Kingdom. I am a singular, self-centered possibility and nothing more than a possibility. It's a lot easier to have all the promise of a faithful and obedient follower and not actually do anything faithful or obedient. It's a lot easier to stay in your comfort zone, fear people, fear situations, close your eyes to the poor, and not believe the unbelievable. It takes effort to be courageous, and takes extreme faith to believe the unbelievable. Courage could be mean a life or death situation for you. Or courage could mean downgrading your lifestyle.
I've been reading in John for the past couple of weeks and it's so awesome/sad how I can read a passage that I think I've read a million times then realize after reading it that I've never really read it. I may have skimmed it, but I've never let it transform my mind. That's what Scripture should do right? It should transform our minds, change our lives and way of thinking, reaffirm our love, faith, excitement for The Gospel and Jesus Christ everyday. I know I need my love, faith and excitement renewed every morning, but do I let Him do that every morning? Nope.
Jay and I just moved into our very first apartment! Yes, we've lived in apartments over the past three months, but they've never been ours and they've never had all of our worldly possessions in them. Our place is jam-packed full of boxes and things that we haven't even seen in two years, but insist on keeping. I'm really excited about this fall and what it holds for us though. Getting to know each other better, getting to know our Father better, getting to know our Austin neighbors better.
Just seems so perfect.
My prayer for us at the beginning of our marriage until we literally die is that we will fall to the ground everyday and die, so that we can spread the seed and multiply.
